Calendar Girl Blog: A New Normal

I woke up swearing. Out loud. Multiple utterances. The F word.

It's not my usual way of greeting the day.

I'm not angry. Or maybe I am.

Fuck.

We sat with Henry for a few hours after he died. Finally, Anne gave the staff permission to prepare his body for removal. I hovered outside the door while two nurses wrapped him in a giant plastic cover and placed him on a gurney. Then I returned to Henry's bedside, rested my head on his arm and sat for quite a while.

One question kept running through my mind in a repeating loop.

"What is my purpose on this earth?"

Last night, I sat with Anne and friends in the home she shared with Henry for 15 years. A home filled to overflowing with photos, love notes, books, music, rocks, branches, magnificent scrapes of life, liberally scattered.

Anne, born 16 days after me, in the frosty February of 1958, is now a widow.

Anne, a woman that I've only connected with since canoeing together this summer yet now, thanks to Henry, have shared the deepest life experience with. Anne looking deeply into my eyes, slowly yet surely allowing herself to grasp, a shred, of her new normal.

Calendar Girl has much life experience with the slight of hand, rug from beneath her feet experience of deaths visit.

Fuck.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Shallow End

I'm feeling challenged. Or is that changed.

Likely both. At least both.

Calendar Girl is finding it difficult to bring herself back to the crowded noisy surface of life. This new depth is rather cozy yet very spacious and wonderfully peaceful. Indeed, Calendar Girl wonders if this new room with this new view is permanent.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Henry's Quilt

This is Henry Kock. His quilt square, lovingly made by Kathleen Dubelaar, rests at the centre of one of the very first Hillside Festival fund raising quilts, made back in the mid 80's.

Besides being the festivals site manager/magician/tree planter, for the first few year's it was Henry's job to chose the annual festival date.

Henry would consult with various chickadees, trees, farmers almanac and blue herons as to the fairest weather date for our July event. I distinctly remember the third year. Sunshine graced out day of music in the north end of our small city while rain dampened a friends wedding downtown.

It wasn't until our growth and popularity required us to settle on 'the third weekend in July' that we got rained out.

Calendar Girl must note that since Henry passed, the sun has not shone. The sky remains grey. The rain keeps falling.

Calendar Girl

Tags: Hillside Festival, Henry Kock, Guelph.

Calendar Girl Blog: Tully

Please pardon the ghostly eyes of my dear friend Tully. This is the result of my newness at the helm of my camera, not some optical disease suffered by labs.

Tully, his sister Lou and his mother joined me for dinner last evening. Tully turns 13 in February and I've known him since his first few weeks of life. No doubt I will see him to his grave.

If you check the calendar credits, you will see Tully's name listed beside Dogs.

Following dinner, Tully graciously accepted a place on the couch, snuggled beside me. Young Lou looked on, mildly moaning her envy.

Calendar Girl appreciated the comfort offered by her old lumpy K9 friend. Tully appreciated the softness of the couch on his arthritic joints.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Time

Time has graciously slowed down and 'important tasks' have faded into the background.

When I opened my eyes this morning, I realized that I am in a different place than a few days ago, prior to arriving at Henry's bedside.

I'll need to get my bearings. Yet there is no rush. No need to panic. Time so clearly is my friend and I will find my way. How could I not? The path has been blazed by Henry, his telltale signs so discretely marked, yet prolific just the same.

I can easily follow, at my own pace, in my own style. I too can 'make it beautiful'.

She may be sad, but Calendar Girl knows Henry is sitting smack dab in the middle of her heart, wearing his purple dancing skirt, laughing with the breeze.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Boxing Day

I am amazed.

I was not celebrating Christmas this year and yet I received the greatest gift possible. My friend Henry allowed me to be one of his escorts to deaths doorstep.

Although death and I have met before, our exchanges have always been buffered by medical science, protocol, other peoples discomfort and bad timing. For reasons that can only be described as poetic, Henry facilitated a more intimate exchange, allowing death and I to meet, face to face, eye to eye.

We three danced.

Calendar Girl will use this gift forever. Death is quite the dancer.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Henry

My friend Henry passed away, from brain cancer, this morning at 8:30 am. He was in his 54th year.

When I arrived at his bedside around 10am, his wife and sister had placed pale yellow miniature daffodils in his beard. A small wreath of cedar, elm branches and lavender lay on his chest, along with a dozen purple and mauve hearts cut from construction paper.

I later learned Anne, Henry's love, had tucked construction paper hearts between each of his toes.

We opened the window and sat at his side for a couple of hours, crying, laughing, silent. When we were ready, we escorted the staff as they rolled Henry's body to the morgue.

Calendar Girl is heavy with grief.

Calendar Girl

Tag: Henry Kock

Calendar Girl Blog: Christmas Eve

I arrived at Henry's bedside at noon.

Ten hours later, I returned home and turned the key to my front door.

Within minutes of my arrival at the palliative care centre, Henry had a seizure. By the time I left that evening, I had held him close, our eyes locked together, through at least 35 more. Each one wracking his body in intense spasm for 2 - 3 minutes.

Calendar Girl wishes peace to all.

Calendar Girl

Tags: Henry Kock

Calendar Girl Blog: Make It Beautiful

My friend Henry is in the final stage of his 50 odd year life on this planet. Last evening around 80 people appeared at the Palliative Care Centre, and arranged themselves outside his hospital room window. Bundled up in multiple layers, we stood in the snow and sang Christmas carols.

The wild west wind howled along in harmony.

Similar groups of Henryheads were meeting in three other cities to sing for a man they loved.

Henry was not the mayor of Guelph. He did not belong to a famous band or perform on stage. Nor was he a rich business man.

Henry planted trees. He was an arborist.

I have 5 of Henry's trees in my backyard. All grown from seed by Henry. Seed that he collected in the many forests that he roamed, across the continent. One, a Tulip Tree is taller than my two story house. Last week, during an afternoon with Henry, I told him that my trees sent their regards and that the Tulip trees were talking about him. Faintly, but with absolute knowing, Henry replied. "Tulip trees love to talk. They'll always do that."

A few years ago, one of my non-Henry trees was clearly dying. Out of sheer hope for some form of magical intervention, I invited Henry over to offer his prognosis.

Henry: Your tree is dying.

Me: Why would my tree die?

Henry: It's what they do.

Calendar Girl feels blessed for having shared 20 years of friendship and many exceptional moments with a person so distinct and wise as Henry. The scrap of paper taped to her file box with the following Henryism scrawled across it defines the spirit of the man perfectly. "Make it Beautiful."

Calendar Girl

PS. The following links lead to further postings about my journey with Henry and Anne. Each are date and time stamped and written in real time. Or, you can go here and start reading the latest post.

Winter Solstice
Henry Christmas Eve
Henry Christmas Day
Henry Boxing Day
Henry Time
Henry's Quilt
Where Am I?
New Years Eve

Tag: Henry Kock

Calendar Girl Blog: My Magic Wand

This is my magic wand.

Around Christmas of 2002, I dropped three bucks for this golden stick and have been granting wishes ever since.

Not 'willy nilly' wish granting...but not 'cheapskate, better make it good or else' wish mongering either.

I took my wand to the Winter Solstice affair I attended last evening. Six women, one dog and one cat all made wishes.

The wish wand process is simple. The wisher makes a wish, silently or out loud. Then I, the wishette, deftly bonks the wisher on the head with the wand, leaving just enough gold sparkle on the bean to serve as testament that the wish is in motion.

Ho. Ho. Ho. How merry is that?

There's a profound twist to this particular story. All six women are connected in myriad ways, but currently we are bonded by a single man named Henry.

Henry is dying. We six, which included his lovely wife Anne, have been attending to Henry in his final days. In fact hundreds of our friends have been doing the same.

Last night, we were caring for each other. And so, we made wishes. Not in a morose, down way, but rather in the spirit of life.

Calendar Girl will note that the only wish made public, instantly came true. Anne wished that another bottle of wine be opened. In the wink of an eye, her wish was granted.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Family Doctor

There are 500 left at this moment...2006 calendars...sitting in their boxes, patiently waiting, hoping to be adopted by loving people and hung on the wall so they can show off and shine.

Breast Ambassador Pierre had a smashing idea, which he acted on. He bought 5 copies, took them to his family doctor and showed her. As he explained the breast health education intent behind the effort, he noticed the doctors interest grow. He left the copies with her to sell, which she did, rather promptly. Then he ordered 6 more for the same reason.

My friend Stephanie is interning to be a doctor. During her four years of med school, she told me that six....only 6....hours of class time was dedicated to breast health study.

Six hours in four years!

Calendar Girl would suggest that your family doctor, or anyone responsible for handling your breast, might benefit from owning a Breast of Canada calendar. Having twelve months of quality info at your fingertips can only add to the breast knowledge time bank.

Calendar Girl

Tags: Breast Health, 2006 calendar, Doctor.

Calendar Girl Blog: Winter Solstice

Canadians are strange birds. This photo, taken by Olivia Brown and featured as Ms January 2005 in the calendar, shows one such creature flapping, on her back, in the snow, squawking.

No wait, screaming. Screaming as the freezing snow presses into her warm back.

Good screaming. You know the type I mean. "Holy shit, what the hell am I doing topfree, laying in the snow", kinda screaming. The brand of screaming that comes out of the mouths of youth.

Tomorrow is the Winter Solstice. It is possible, as a form of celebration, that people in Canada will be naked in the snow. Here and there. Lightly sprinkled. Like the flakes we are.

Calendar Girl will not be among the scantily clad. No siree Bob. In fact, from now until the crack of spring, you will be hardpressed to recognize Calendar Girl as female when she's out and about thanks to the fifteen layers of power down she sports. Unless of course she's stung by a hot flash. Then all bets are off.

Calendar Girl

Tags: Winter Solstice, Photo, Topfree.

Calendar Girl Blog: Santas' Mug

Turns out, the three fantastic guys I was going to hang out with were talking big and couldn't deliver. Reality exists for Super Hero's too. So, not being the moppy type, I took myself out Christmas shopping and purchased my first new camera in fifteen years.

Before I go into the details on my latest aquisition, let me state that I love my 300 pound SLR 35 mm Nikkormat, steel body camera. I have hauled the beast through the heat of Africa, the stormy shores of Vietnam and the idyllic haze of Thailand. Plus a billion places in between. I love that camera, as I've already stated, sore shoulder and all. Should I ever get my ass in gear and buy a scanner, I will show you why.

But...and this is me recognizing that if one is playing with technology and communication, then ones choice of toys is important....I had to 'get in the program'. Further, and completely obvious, I publish a frigging fine art photography calendar. A camera from this century, might just come in handy here and there....

My new camera is a Canon Power Shot A610. Five megapixels, 4x's optic zoom. I've programmed it to chirp like a bird and bark like a dog. And it appears, that I've down/up loaded my shot, which I trimmed, from camera to computer to blog.

Most spectacular effort for the scaredy cat I am. Drum roll please!

Above is a pic I took of some other fantastic guys I hang out with. Santa mugs grace my coffee table for much of the year. I drink wine, water, juice, booze, tea, cocoa and coffee out of them. When I entertain, my guests chose the Claus that speaks to them and they too drink the beverage of the evening. Tis jolly and merry fun. Ho Ho Ho. Deck the halls. Hark and all that childish silly stuff.

Calendar Girl may go through a photo phase over the next while. Hopefully, she won't spin out on the learning curve, and crash into one of the growing snowbanks in her land.

BTW, is it up or downloading? And besides the obvious, what's the difference?

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Invisible Woman

I must confess. I have not been transparent with you.

By day as you know, I live the life of Calendar Girl, bravely publishing and pimping breast calendars near and far.

It's my after hours gig that I've kept a secret.

As dusk approaches, I slip out of my slippers and squeeze myself into a get-up so tight you'd know if the dime in my pocket was heads or tails. Then I'm off, with three fantastic guys for a night of crime fighting and do gooding.

Yes dear readers, I have a part time job as a super hero.

Being Invisible Woman is, well, many things. I mean think about it. I have the power to use cosmic energy to make myself invisible.

Gone. Now you see me, now you don't. Just like that.

Calendar Girl thought it wise to spill her beans. She may disappear for a day or two and head off for some crazy force field action with the fellas instead of doing the Santa scene.

Calendar Girl

Tags: Invisible Woman, Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Show Us Your Melons

I'm not talking honey dew. Or water for that matter. I'm referring to your breasts, boobs, the girls or whatever form of affection fits for you.

Please note. This is not an invitation to show up at my door and lift your shirt.

You laugh! But this happened once. Not at my door, but rather at a conference. I was staffing my table. A young woman approached. It was like an audition. Except that I'm no Hugh Hefner and previewing is not a function of Breast of Canada.

I responded well, I think. Just kept my gaze steady, my reply the same, as if two breasts hadn't just been flashed in my face. Tried to be reassuring even though it wasn't clear that reassurance was required.

Funny life this breast calendar publisher schtik.

But I wander with my thoughts and leave you wondering what the hell I mean by 'Show Us Your Melons."

I host an annual photo contest. Our carved in stone deadline is January 15th 2006. All the details are posted for your photo taking pleasure.

One point that I must make clear. As the name suggests, the breasts we are looking for are 'of Canada'. Please don't take this personally if your breasts are not. I had intended to make a full series of calendars; Breast of Antarctica for example, but I'm not rich enough to underwrite another effort.

Calendar Girl would suggest that non-Canadian breast owners consider doing a photo shoot just the same. In fact, we recommend that all calendar owners personalize their calendars by placing their best breast photo on their birth date.

Calendar Girl

Tags: Photography, Photo.

Calendar Girl Blog: Splatter Diagrams

I'm cooking up a new on-line business idea.

Three year's ago, my new to me mentor, suggested that I engage in the process of splatter diagrams. For several days, I lived with big sheets of paper taped to my office wall. I started the first sheet off with the title, My New Work and then threw every learned skill and life experience I could recall down on the page. After cramming every inch with words, I grouped the jumble into categories that made sense to me. Then I took those categories and brainstormed ways to turn them into income either as a new business or a partnership.

During the brainstorm, a fitting business opportunity knocked and I answered. That gig lasted two years.

Last night I started the process again. Only this time, I was coming to the paper knowing that my new income would be on-line. Very quickly the 7 sheets took on titles, grew with ideas and started to resemble a plan. The instant I woke this morning, I hustled to the sheets to add two ideas that burned into my sleeping mind. I carry barely wait to be at one with my sheets again this evening.

Ideas are not strangers to me. In fact, I'm infested with the buggers. My biggest challenge is to let my mind rest. Or conversely, guide my ideas along in a controlled and doable fashion. Kind of like breaking in a wild horse I suspect.

Now that I've put up my paper corral, my energy is contained and my wandering mind set to a task that will fuel me, the Breast of Canada project and my immediate arts community for the next decade. I always employ my peers whenever possible and it is no secret that as loved as Breast of Canada is, it still requires a handout from my bank account to exist.

Calendar Girl will be pitching her plan in early January. 'Til then, large paper sheets will decorate her living room walls and guests will be invited to participate in the splatter process. This phase has been a while in coming, and there have been a couple of half baked starts along the way. But when Calendar Girl gets out the tape and paper, there ain't no turning back.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Pathologist Report

This comment arrived from a Canadian customer this morning.

"As a pathologist who deals with biopsy and mastectomy material, it is a joy to see the joy of the women portrayed."

He ends his email with, "Thank you for humanizing this difficult area of medicine."

Calendar Girl has been a bit skittish with oncology medical folk thanks to a comment, lobed in her direction, early on in her calendar publishing career. Something about, 'inappropriate, better if the breasts were covered, too graphic'. Of course, there were others, in the same vein, which I've mentioned over the course of this blog. Porn being the kicker.

Still smarting, despite countless kind, positive and downright thrilled comments Calendar Girl will make every effort to down grade the few negatives and play up the many positives.

Tis a strange human condition. A close metaphor might be the one about one crabby apple gets all the attention...er...well...something like that.

Makes one want to be very careful what spew falls from one's mouth.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: U.S. Christmas Customers

Tis the season to be dizzy with hustle and bustle.

But Hallelujah and Hark....help is close at hand.

Should you want to let your fingers do some shopping and allow the rest of you to lay down and take a load off, here are three on line mail order companies that are selling the 2006 Breast of Canada Calendar in the U.S.

Down in San Francisco, California, you can place your order with Curve Magazine.

Up in Oshkoch Wisconsin, you can order from The Naturist Society.

Over in Greenfield, Massachusetts we have Vision Works ready and happy to take your order.

Calendar Girl regrets that she can no longer guarantee air mail delivery to the U.S. from this frozen northern land, prior to Ho Ho Day. But the links provided above should have no problem.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Letter from a Breast Ambassador

Dear Calendar Girl,

I just wanted to let you know that I think this project is amazing. I have already bought a calendar and I am telling everyone I know to get one as well.

I'm a 21 year old student living in Waterloo, and this project means a lot to me for many reasons, the most striking though is that my Mom is a breast cancer survivor. I was wondering if there is any way for me to be involved as a model or a volunteer for Breast of Canada?

This is an amazing project.

Thank you.

An enthusiastic Breast Ambassador

Calendar Girl suggested entering our 2007 photo contest. Deadline is January 15, 2006.

Calendar Girl Blog: Dear Sad Santa

Dear Sad Santa,

Here I was, trying to be sensitive to Mrs. Claus' feelings and instead I tramped all over yours.

Really Santa, I was not clued into to your belief in 'our special' relationship. I assumed, incorrectly it seems, that I was merely an address, one of a billion that you have in your little black book. I really wish I understood men more than I do. We may be from the same hemisphere but we're certainly from different planets.

Since our last correspondence, I've received two letters from your wife Merry. The first one was quite scathing. You were wise to hide out in the barn with the reindeer. However, today's letter was calm and apologetic. She seems to be taking in a larger picture. And she's stressed out with the season and the grinding routine.

I know it's very easy to overlook the one you love the most when so much is demanded of you Santa, but I'm afraid you put your relationship in peril when you loose touch with it. Women like regular little reminders that they are special. If I were you, I'd hitch up the sleigh this afternoon and take her somewhere nice for lunch. Maybe even a picnic. Women love the romance of having a picnic with their hunk of burning love.

I'm pleased to hear that you are enjoying the 2005 calendar in your workshop. I'll be sure to leave you a 2006 edition by the chimney. Actually, I'll leave 2 copies. You can give one to your very breast friend Merry.

Sorry to have upset your apple cart with my letter to Mrs. Claus, Santa. Strangely, I have a feeling that everything will work out for the better now that we've all cleared the air.

Ah the magic of Christmas and clear communication.

Happy Ho Ho,

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: From Santa

Dear Calendar Girl,

Given the amount of mail I get during this time of year, I usually send out a cleverly composed form letter as my reply. A bit naughty of me I know, but I just can't write fast enough to personalize every response.

However, your letter dated Friday December 9th, threw me for somewhat of a loop. Took the wind out of my sails so to speak. Landed me on my FAT ass.

Why ever did you write to Mrs. Santa Claus? I thought we had something quite special going on, despite the fact that we don't spend time together. I so looked forward to your letter every year. In fact, I've kept them all. Now, Merry is raging around the house, ripping through my files, mucking about under my bed....I'm sleeping in the barn with the reindeer until she calms down. I'm already a sleepless wreck thanks to Prancer who snores like a train. Not good timing at all Calendar Girl...very naughty of you.

You're lucky though. I am a bit of a breast man myself, and your Breast of Canada calendar, which I have hanging in my workshop, does warm the cockles of my heart, so I'm behooved to help you clear some stock. I can't do as you suggest and pick up 500 copies, what with weight restrictions and all, but I will plant thoughts of sugar plums and breast calendars in the dreams of all the good girls and boys in the world. Heck, might as well include the bad girls and boys too. As you say, breast health is important for everyone.

I'm not sure where this leaves you and I Calendar Girl. My heart is heavy. As is the rest of me, which you so directly pointed out.

F-A-T!

O-U-C-H.

Sad Santa

Calendar Girl Blog: Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been good.

I have also been a bit moody lately. But that's my menopause for you.

Honestly, I want to be good but when I'm faced with a drop in estrogen, even thoughts of sugar plums and reindeer dashing can't avert the inevitable snarky comments that flip so freely from my mouth.

But all things considered, I've been pretty good.

Sadly, I still have my weight and likely yours in Breast of Canada calendars sitting in my dining room, which has bummed me out on occasion and has effected my good nature. So I thought that when you swing by on Christmas Eve, you could pick up a few hundred copies and leave them under some other girls xmas trees. I don't care if they are good or bad. All girls should know about breast health.

Despite this kink in inventory, you can rest assured that mostly, I've tried to be good.

It's true that if I get too wrapped up in making the calendar project work on a financial level, I do get a bit knotted up. So I wondered if you would include an invoice with each calendar that you leave under the other gals trees . If you don't mind. After all, the calendar is a bit of a fundraiser.

Back to my good girl report. I'm sure Santa, that when you take in the big picture, I have likely been more good than bad.

Goodness knows that no one can really be good 24/7. For that matter who really knows what good is for sure? I mean really Santa, you're fat. Everyone knows, that's not good.

So here's a deal. If you will be good enough to look over my mood swings, frustrations I have with the calendar and just buy 500 calendars from me directly, I will refrain from using the 'f' word again.

'F-A-T', not that other 'f' word.

It would be awfully good of you.

Calendar Girl

PS. So you know, I've written a letter to Mrs. Santa explaining the nature of our relationship Santa. I wanted to come clean. Terribly good of me don't you think?

Calendar Girl Blog: Help Me Rhonda

No doubt you are busy. So don't feel obliged by this request. But if you can squeeze one of these Breast ambassadors type activities in, my gratitude will seep through this blog and wrap you in a rosey glow.

If I'm counting correctly, there are 24 days left until peoples current calendars expire. If you divide the number of calendars I have sitting in my dining room....650, by the number of days left in this year, you get 27. That would be the number of calendars I need to sell everyday to sell out.

It's a bit of a stretch to think this can happen, but a worthy goal just the same. With help that is. I need your help to move in this direction.

Here are three ways that this goal could be reached.

1. If you have not done so, I encourage you to purchase 2 calendars. Use one yourself. Give the other to a breast friend, preferably someone you will eat a holiday dinner with. Your table conversation will be greatly stimulated. Heck, give one to your doctor as a breast health educational tool.
   
2. Place my banner on your home page until January 1st. This always stimulates traffic which in turn stimulates sales.
3. Blog about the calendar and your thoughts on breast health, body image issues, nudity or whatever hot issue you dare. Some of my most heavily visited posts dealt with nude photography and top freedom issues. You'll help me out and give your blog an injection of traffic.

If you do any of the above, let me know and I will pontificate in glowing terms about you, plus live link to whatever domain you own...provided it is legal, non-porn and not proliferating hate of any kind.

Calendar Girl knows that there are about 350 of you fine folks wandering by my blog. A wee thrust from you could be the ticket for Calendar Girl to reclaim her dining room for the season.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Working Men

All the men have gone.

The outside job, dancing, singing, hammering men have finished the work I hired them to do. The stand up comedian mason grouted the last seam on the ceramic tile hearth pad. The moonlighting firemen installed my new woodstove with nary a scratch or dent and cleaned the chimney to boot. The quiet metal fabrication guy added the protection my 90 year old wooden mantle required to bring it up to code. And my wood supply man returned, under cover of darkness, with his sweet little chainsaw and made my too big firewood perfectly little.

I plied them all with coffee, baking, beers and cocktails depending on the time of day and whether a scaffold was involved. And of course I paid them. They in turn did excellent work, cheerfully, respectfully and with pride.

And yes, the 'new to my home men' noticed all the breast paraphernalia. Especially, when the short fireman, accidentally bumped my body cast off the wall and onto his head. "I think I like this", he said coyly.

Calendar Girl has much more work to be done on her old house. But the money tree is dormant right now so future improvements will have to wait. Still the pending cave in of her roof has been averted. She will not freeze. And her windows now keep the rain and wind out. Calendar Girl can safely hunker down, with all the breast stuff, for a long winters night.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: A Christmas Craft

Debbie, the artist of this wonderful canvas, was inspired to do breast art after going through her own breast cancer scare. Her Press Conference theme involved getting a gaggle of gals together, painting their breasts in bold colours and then pressing canvas to chest.

There you have it. Art. Breast art. Just like that.

Feel like revealing your creative side? Not sure what to get the sexy beast of a man/woman in your life? Press yer breasts girlfriend and give the gift of you. Signed of course. A very limited edition.

Calendar Girl would like to suggest rounding out the art making session with a good bottle of wine and a couple of best friends to help with colour selection and design. And so as not to poison the pups, use water base acrylic paint.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Happy Customer

I'm still recovering from having 200 people stream through my house on Sunday. Not that that was bad. But it was unusual and intense.

So by way of talking a breather, I will share this great email that I got this morning.

Sue, the calendars arrived this morning. Thanks for a very speedy transaction. When I saw the package at the post office I immediately opened it and showed it to the postmaster and our rural mail delivery person, both young mothers. They had a look and were impressed with what they saw.

Now....the calendar is beautiful. One copy is going in our kitchen and the other is going to my sister. Our Mom has lived breast cancer for over 35 years so anything I can do to help find a cure is good. I also believe strongly that our society has a very messed up view of women's breasts that needs to be changed.

I believe that you are helping on both fronts so keep doing what you're doing.

Pat Brown

Calendar Girl likes getting emails like this. Or is that obvious?

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Our neighborhood Show and Sale

We didn't have one of those head counters, but I would say about 200 people, mostly strangers to me, can to our neighbourhood holiday show and sale, held in my house, yesterday.

Two hundred people. That's a lot of folk in a 5 hour span.

I was totally whipped at the end.

Sales all round seemed good. I sold 30 calendars. The other 6 gals and 1 fellow, sold soaps, candles, stockings, jewelry, mitts, hats, scarves, cards, cushions and tree decorations. They were beaming too.

No doubt our hot apple cider and rum concoction gave the buyers the right amount of lubrication to loosen their wallets from their pockets. And further illustrated that we weren't the mall.

One older gentleman came in, looked around and promptly left to sit in the car. "Too many women", he spouted.

Calendar Girl noticed that the rest of the guys, focused on my wood pile. We talked log length and burn time. Apparently, both rated high in their books.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: Abstaining

My Jorden Ferry chum is in town. She rolled in on Wednesday with a full crate of fresh lobsters, one of which had my name on it. I'm still licking traces of garlic butter from my lips.

Here's a thought that popped in my head when I turned the page of the calendar.

My friend Don shared this piece of wisdom with me a couple of year's ago as a way of keeping his alcohol intake in check. Due to his various positions in the booze soaked entertainment industry, this wee plan likely added year's to his life.

One day per week, one week per month and one month per year he totally abstains from the devils drink. He chooses December as his month off, and offers himself up as the designated driver for his friends.

Now there's a gift for yah.

Glory be and hark to Harold, the beauty of Dons' formula is in it's versatility. You can applied the 'day, week, month stop' to any substance or activity that controls you more than you control it.

Always willing to lead by example, I put my sugar and butter addiction to the test. After year's of bingeing on both, it was a sobering and revealing experience to really see how much white death and fat I was shoveling down my pipe and how hard it was to stop for 24 hours, let alone a week.

Sugar and butter, cut with a bit of flour are my crack cocaine. The only difference between me and the chap that hangs out downtown in the square is I'm legally addicted. Cookies are traded on the open market.

December is National Butter Sugar Month in North America. Calendar Girl has already fallen off the abstention wagon thanks to one lobster dinner. This does not mean she will throw in the towel and submerge herself in sweet grease blindness. But, Calendar Girl does realize that the month will be a challenge to negotiate. Tis a slippery slope.

Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl Blog: TV

I've figured out what triggered my plummet into doom and gloom this week.

I watched 90 minutes of random television with a friend.

It's been months since I've been in the room with a boob tube. I haven't owned one for over three years. And even before that I loathed the one I lived with.

So 90 minutes was the equivalent of going on a drug induced bender for me. Fairly quickly I felt bad, despite having a lovely evening to that point. The message and the images, no matter which channel we chose, struck me as incredibly negative or lame.

Today, yet again, because I've been here before, I realize, that I am a freak. Most people, most places watch TV every day and see nothing wrong with that.

Calendar Girl simply can't relate.

And Calendar Girl will refrain from further viewing so as not to create unnecessary ugly thoughts that will end up blurted into her blog.

Calendar Girl